Why hello there, stranger! I’m back!
It’s been well over a year but I have returned! So I obviously need blogging 101 because I broke the first rule and just completely stopped. I’m sure some of you are like “Where the hell have you been and why did you stop blogging?!” I am going to keep it completely 100% with you guys and not give you some Dog Ate My Blog excuses. Life got tough and I basically hid from the world. I will do my best to spare you of the gruesome details but what had happened was…
For starts, over the last 3-4 years, I had a mystery health condition that was officially diagnosed last year as an autoimmune disease known as Leukocytoclastic Vasculitis. The symptoms to this disease started years ago but peaked hardcore in 2016. This disease for the most part left me without any confidence or motivation. It has definitely kept life interesting and I see it more as an awakening. While most autoimmune issues are still a mystery and “not curable” I find this to be complete bullshit. Most health problems are a product of the lives we lead and is just a matter of us listening to our bodies. My body was basically like “Hey, you’re fucking up!” and i’m pretty grateful. While I still have a long road ahead of me, I am doing a TON better and on the mend.
During all of this medical mayhem, I took on a full time remote job in which I am still currently working. While I love what I do, I got WAY to comfortable and decided to put my dreams and personal goals on the back burner. It will always be easier to say “someday I will take over the world.”, but at some point you have to realize your intentions lack that action required for world domination. Over the last year, i’ve been brainstorming and coming up with a number of new and fun ideas, but with no action. If I am not going to treat my dreams with the respect they deserve, no one else will. Trust me when I say that this blog post you’re reading has come with a lot of blood, sweat and glittery tears. This is the first of many steps back into giving myself a chance.
Outside of the full time day job, health malfunctions, and self loathing I also found myself using this space to share content I just didn’t find fully exciting. Between managing social media for other projects and working on things that had little to do with what I was passionate in. I completely lost my vision. I got to a point where I thought no one would care about what I was putting out, there because I didn’t. I started to compare myself to others and think I would never be good enough nor would I ever “make it”. Well it took a year for me to wake the fuck up, and a lot has changed. I think getting space cooties helped me develop a layer of confidence I never thought to be possible. I’ve been on some next level Yoda-like positivity.
The majority of my healing will consist of me reconnecting with what I love. The moment you decide to focus on yourself and what you enjoy is the moment that you honor yourself. I forgot in the mix of doctor appointments and sleepless nights that I am so valuable. I never was one to care about what others think but as soon as you let down that protective self-love bubble the negative pours in. I am better than that. It feels so so good to be back in this space.
Why did I come back now? I simply needed to come out of hiding. I needed to be honest with where I have been. I needed to share my story without sugarcoating it—to express my discomfort and lack of confidence.
This is my post. My awakening.
I am writing this to get out of the habit of making things a bigger deal than they actually are. I am writing this to get the hell out of my own way. I accept my beautiful crazy and sometimes messy life. No one asked me to be perfect nor does anyone expect it and if they do, they can go fuck themselves.
This post is for me. This post is for you. I am here to invite you back into this beautiful community and into my life journey. Sometimes our best lives include rambling blog posts full of cliches and releasing them into the world because clicking “published” is better than perfect.
I am fucking back, y’all!