I’m moving onto week number two in the wonderful city of Portland and I must say, still loving it. The air is fresh and wonderful, the people are super nice, and there are more hipsters than the eye can see. Take it or leave it, hipsters make the world go round…or something. Since i’ve been here a bit and developed a feel and mood for my surroundings, I figured I would make a helpful how to on how to tell the difference between the Portland, OR hipster and the Williamsburg- Brooklyn, NY hipster. If you’re planning on traveling coast to coast and want to know the style or flavor of hipster you will get, this how to guide will hopefully be useful.
The Williamsburg Hipster
❤ Brr! Is it cold in here or are you happy to see me? Typically, it’s cooler in NY than it would be in Portland. The Williamsburg hipster isn’t a stranger to the layering of clothing look.
❤ Reading most definitely is sexy. In my many years of knowing Brooklyn, I typically see hipsters roaming the streets with a newspaper, magazine, or a book. I think this is to validate their black framed glasses.
❤ What you got in them jeans? Cuffed jeans are a thing. Cuffed jeans are rather popular with the hipster of Williamsburg.
❤ Keep it blazin’! Blazers are a hipster crowd favorite. Once again, I think this goes along with the fact that it’s cooler on the east.
❤ Bang, bang. He shot me down. Side bangs are a popular hair style among the typical Williamsburg hipster.
❤ Technology! In Williamsburg the hipsters tend to stay on trend with the hottest latest and greatest new gadget. What?! Do you seriously not have the iPhone 5 yet? I pre-ordered mine before they even announced when it would come out.
❤ It’s okay to look like a shocked baby deer. Every girl in Williamsburg magically looks like the oh so adorable Zooey Deschanel. ALL of them.
The Portland Hipster
❤ I can smell your beard. Most Portland hipster males are super beard-tastic. It’s rather hot actually.
❤ Vegan paradise. Most if not ALL of the hipsters in Portland are vegan.
❤ Cute cuts! A lot of the hipsters in Portland are a fan of ambiguous haircuts. Is that a dude or a chick? No one knows!
❤ How short are your shorts? Daisy dukes for guys and gals alike. I’ve seen a lot of tiny shorts since i’ve been here. Show off those gams, Portland!
❤ I used to be punk, but now i’m a hipster. A lot of the hipsters in Portland used to be punks. It’s like they came to Portland to retire as a hipster.
❤ How intense is your v-neck? V-neck t-shirts with flannel are more of a thing in Portland. I am lovin’ the man cleavage.
❤ Will you have my hand in marriage? Not only do the hipsters fall in love but they also are married. The amount of married couples in Portland also explains the insane amount of strip clubs.
❤ If it’s not vintage, I don’t want it. I am rather sure i’ve never seen so many vintage shops in my entire life. I would guess there are more vintage stores than any other type of store in all of Portland. I actually adore the amount of vintage within Portland. It’s ideal for the hipster that likes to kick it old school.
❤ Tree hugging is key. The Portland hipster is more concerned with earth, wind, water, and fire. They are one with Captain Planet and honestly, I feel like the Williamsburg hipster should take note. Plant a fuckin’ tree!
A hipster is a hipster:It’s all the samesies
❤ The PBR company will remain happy and rich. Where there are hipsters, there will be tons of PBR. That’s a promise.
❤ Buy me brunch, bitches! Brunch is the most popular and probably only meal a hipster will make sure to have.
❤ I love how interesting you are. Hipsters will love you the weirder and more eccentric.
❤ “You probably haven’t heard of them.” A popular saying hipsters like to say when talking about about the latest band they are into.
❤ Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? Maybe it’s just me but on more than one occasion, i’ve heard a hipster use the term “ironic” incorrectly.
❤ I bike, you bike, we all bike! Hipsters tend to love biking places, which is great honestly. They spend a lot of time looking for vintages, unique, and expensive bikes and God bless ’em!
❤ “I totally had sex with him before he got famous.” Hipsters pretty much love to name drop obscure or up and coming celebrities. They need to make sure you’re aware of how cool they are because they know someone that is cool and famous.
❤ An Apple a day. You can only own Apple products. Anything that isn’t a Mac isn’t real. I am sure they would go as far as having a Macintosh analog computer because digital doesn’t have the warmth or quality as the original.
❤ The first step is denial. Most hipsters will deny the SHIT out of being a hipster. You will never get them to admit any of the things I have listed in this guide on how to spot a hipster, coast to coast. I accept you the way you are, hipsters. I have always loved you, way before you were cool.
I can honestly go on with this ALL day but, I think you are prepared enough to be able to spot a hipster in Williamsburg or Portland or anywhere in between.
What are you favorite hipster traits? Was there anything majorly important that I forgot to mention or list?