Archive for the ‘Self Lovin’’ Category

Let me explain.

Thursday, August 8th, 2019

Why hello there! Super long time, no see.

Things have been wonderful, trying, and evolving to say the least. I don’t want this post to be extremely long and boring. There will be plenty more blog posts to catch you guys up on everything. I’ve had a lot of growing pains within the last year and I want to share the most recent events to give you a general idea of what has been going on lately.

I have had a uphill battle with my autoimmune disease, Leukocytoclastic Vasculitis (also known as Hypersensitivity Vasculitis). This form of vasculitis is  a disease characterized by inflammation of small vessels. This disease typically manifests on the legs in the form of a rash/bumps which can turn into large skin ulcers or lesions. If you think it sounds painful and gross, you’re completely correct. I’ve been dealing with the symptoms of this disease for years now and thought it was something I could resolve on my own by changing up my lifestyle.

Some of these changes seem to work for a short amount of time. I’ve tried Whole 30 (which by the way I loved and should really do again), Paleo, Keto, Gluten Free, you name it, I thought it was going to be the cure for this disease and have me glowin’ like Beyonce.

About two months ago, I started one of the worse flares I have ever experienced. Something about this flare set off red flags and I knew I was in for something major. Typically, standing and sitting  for extended periods of time would trigger a flare. Which sucks for a girl that is use to going to 3 concerts a week and dancing the night away. The first sign of a bump/hive on my legs, I would take Benadryl before bed and sleep it off. Usually it would clear up by morning and I could go about my life. But not this flare, this was something different.

I tried my typical ‘drug myself with night time pain relief and allergy meds’ method but the pain from the hives on my legs literally wouldn’t allow me to rest. After about 2 sleepless nights, I began to panic. How was I going to be well rested enough to get up and work? How was I going to heal from the flare? Are my symptoms getting worse?

Days became weeks with no relief. I turned to the Facebook vasculitis groups for answers or for anyone that could relate. Everyone showed empathy and sympathy but I didn’t really find any answers to resolve my current flare. I had no choice but to start calling out of work to rest since I was missing so much sleep due to the amount of pain I was in. Usually my flares would take place on my lower legs, but this flare was on the back of my thighs. Which is literally the worse place it could have happened. I was unable to lay or sit without feeling like I was sitting on knives. I didn’t know what to do or what doctor to contact but I knew this had to be the last time I ever felt this way.

A common theme that emerges among people living with an autoimmune disease is the feeling of being alone with their illness. I felt very trapped in this rollercoaster of “eh, I feel okay today” and then the next day feeling like I wanted to just get my legs removed. I started going to every doctor I could think of and was prescribed medication for depression and given pain killers. Nothing made sense and I felt like no one was able to help me.

Finally, about a month ago I saw a nurse practitioner who I am pretty sure saved my life. The wounds on the back of my thighs had an infection and needed to be cleaned surgically. They were also so deep at this point, that I needed to get a skin graft (I actually received a xenograft which is a skin graft where donor skin is used).  I was hospitalized for a week and a half and let me tell you how grateful I was for this. I finally felt like I was being heard, plus my pain was managed enough where I was able to rest. The gratitude I have for the doctors and nurses that treated me is out of this world.

I have been out of the hospital now for 2 weeks and still in recovery.  I have a in home nurse come to dress my grafts twice a week and I go to the wound clinic at the hospital once a week. I have some pretty fantastic zombie skin grafts that are looking healthy and healing. My stride is becoming less of a waddle and more of a walk. This blog post is my introduction back into the bloggersphere because this something I need right now.  It’s something I missed and I have been neglecting my passions.

One of the most common questions I am asked is, “How did the flare happen and why was it so bad?!” The simple answer is stress but the slightly longer answer is forgetting to live my purpose. It’s so easy to become a person that says “someday” or “I want to” and put YOU on the back burner. I’m done with that.  With the help of a new medication, an amazing support system, and a whole bunch of much needed self love, I am pretty sure I am jumpstarting a new bad ass chapter of my life.

Thank you to all of you that visited me in the hospital, sent me messages, left me comments and sent positive and healing energy my way. Your beautiful energy is more than I could ever asked for and is majorly appreciated.

XO, a go go bye!


Be guilty enough to change.

Friday, December 20th, 2013

Get fed up with yourself Sprinkles and Booze

Why hello there!

This post is going to be a heart to heart on a personal level. I believe every part of your life should be a full on party and part of the party is being real with yourself.

The other day, I found myself inhaling some greasy fast food within minutes. Hell, possibly seconds. I barely ate anything throughout the day and when I had a minute to eat I wanted something “delicious” and that would fill me up. Yes, the deep fried treats were tasty but I don’t even recall chewing. There wasn’t a spiritual or cultural connection with my food. Nothing says buzz kill like a meal that is not homemade, full of calories, grease, chemicals, and guilt.

Typically, when we feel guilty it’s rather easy for our thoughts to spiral out of control. I would find myself skipping meals or putting in longer time at the gym to make up for my slip up or just completely give up. It’s a ridiculous cycle and it’s played out. If there is no balance there is no order.

All I am sure of is, I am not living out my full life’s party. Being in a repeated cycle of lack of self control and damaging my health isn’t fully living. It’s like living a hangover.

I have been know to be a hypochondriac but I do have my fair share of health issues. I’m not going to sit here and list out all of my issues but to name a couple I suffer from severe allergies and eczema. I am at a point in my life where I have completely had enough.

I am ready to look at what is missing and figuring out why I remain stuck. I am researching and digging deep within my glitter covered soul to develop a long-lasting life/health plan for a party girl. Like all good things, I know it will take time, experimenting, a strong support system, and an open mind.

I want to develop a personal system that sets me up for success. I want my way of life to allow me to connect with my unique body and figure out what my body is telling me and what it needs less of and more of. I will make self-care a necessary practice while allowing myself to have the occasional “bad” food.

I plan on applying a rule of “weekend bad girl” that will allow me to not go completely Girls Gone Wild, but be okay with having the occasional junk food. It’s important to me not to let the guilt sabotage my progress. I need to stop promising myself that I will work out tomorrow and promise myself that I will make a strong effort to be the most festive and healthiest me I can be.

To get to this change, I will be making mental (and sometimes physical) notes of how I feel when I do certain things. It’s proven that the more productive and positive you are towards a goal the more results you will receive.

With a New Year, always comes new goals. We always want things to be different and better but there comes a time when you need to suck it up and figure out what you’re doing wrong. When figuring these things out, you must not punish yourself for the downfalls that occur, but realize why they happen and what you’re going to do to make it better.

My 2014 is going to be about growth and self worth. We are all worthy of our heart desires if we invest in ourselves. Investments don’t have to be unpleasant but about your way of life. Know what you deserve and where you can work harder.

What do you plan on doing to make your 2014 about compassion, self worth, and lots of laughs? How are you going to turn yourself into the connected and stunning party monster that is inside of you? The holidays are the perfect time to reconnect with yourself and loved ones, get ready to be honest with yourself and shine in 2014.

Stay sexy Gotham!

Inspiration is found right under your fingertips.

Tuesday, November 19th, 2013

Kidecals Sprinkles and Booze

I am so in love with my rose petal covered keyboard. Like completely in love. I honestly think it part of the reason I’ve had a burst of inspiration lately. I am choosing to get off my bum and actually get things done.

This time of year, it can be difficult to keep up your mojo and remain inspired. I am in a very creative and demanding field, so inspiration. Mid-November in the US,we typically want to hibernate. It gets cold outside. It’s super dark at like 5PM. You’re so focused on the holidays and how to make it wonderful for others. I’ve decided this year, I am going to take a different approach and look for inspiration in places in which I wouldn’t have. I have to remind myself that, I have decided to live an inspired life. I must not forget to find the inspiration in everything I love. No matter how small.

Living an inspired life of course goes beyond rose covered decals but, we must remember to turn the focus back on oneself. I am opting to impress myself. I want to always out do my best efforts. I want to make sure I am setting up my life so when look back at it when I am 148 I can be proud.

Refreshing your workspace and changing your mindset can work wonders!Sometimes it takes something small to push you to your happy place. I opted to put some pep in my laptop’s step up with decals. Where are you going to find your cold weather inspiration?

Stay sexy Gotham!

Your dream gig should feel like work.

Tuesday, November 19th, 2013

dream gig Sprinkles and Booze

In this modern day in age, I constantly hear people say “I would love to do __________ but I have to have a real job?” I am not sure how a ‘real job’ took on the meaning of leaving out your passions, hopes and your dreams. The truth of the matter is your ‘real job’ is fulfilling your purpose and what makes you happy.

The concept of doing something you love while getting paid to do it takes time and work. Many people stick with lukewarm jobs in which they aren’t happy with, or even full on hate for months, even years without taking action. That action to follow your purpose comes with a massive amount of work that is well worth it in the end. It is possible to find a job that pays you a decent amount but is it really fulfilling your purpose? Do you feel like you’ve followed that dream you’ve always been longing? If you’ve answered yes, then awesome! If you’ve said no, then get to work on your REAL job.

Dream Gig Flowers Sprinkles and Booze

Do you see where I am going within this crazy blogger rant? We all know that anything you truly want takes some sort of work. We need to stop downplaying our dreams and put the real work into what we want. Yes, sometimes we have to work another job to fund and launch what you wish to be doing. This takes a lot of energy and you should be pooped, but just think about how much more fulfilled you are.

I am still in the beginning stages of entrepreneurship and take on side projects that come to me from blogging and I love every moment of it. There are so many wonderful people out there that work a full-time gig and pursue their personal passion driven work at the same time. We need to consider this work our ‘real job’. It is completely doable and realistic. What is keeping you from being one of those wonderful people?

So many people psych themselves out due to the concept of needing a ‘real job’. It’s never an easy balance of paying gig vs. a life of passion. It can definitely drive you nuts but what is life if it’s not full of nuts? Once you get your brain right, the concept can become quite simple, I didn’t say EASY but simple. With the proper system in place, you could be captain of the Starship Enterprise. That’s right, you can be Captain Kirk!

Dark Dreams Sprinkles and Booze

It’s time to bring on the discipline. To make your dream job your real job, it comes with a carefully carved out schedule. Get used to making a very clear daily to-do list. It’s a simple switch of making your ‘side/dream business’ your primary business. We need to keep in our minds that this is the most important ‘job’, no matter how tired, how annoyed, or how frustrating it can be. We will rest when we are retired, and that time isn’t now. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t feel slightly overwhelmed or scared but the only way out is through, darlings. Most if not all successful and fulfilled people have done this before me and will continue to do so.

Once you get your priorities together, put a ring on it! Well, I mean, sort of? It’s time to commit! Committing to anything takes a shit ton of planning and patience. The faster your dream becomes a reality, the more it is going to need your attention. You begin to tighten up your focus a bit more which leads to more work but don’t worry, it is definitely all doable and manageable. If we let the amount of work get to us, it will never get done. You need to commit to the work and know that it is truly what you want to be doing. But a ring on your passion, till death do you part.

If you’re sitting there reading this and agreeing with everything and feel totally motivate, AWESOME! But let’s be real, it’s pretty hard to be a self motivator most of the time, especially when you know it’s going to require tons and tons of work. Share your goals with supportive people and get yourself an accountability homie. This accountability homie will step in during those times where you can’t quiet your inner demons of self-induced struggles. These struggles prevent you from getting any work done and they happen to the best of us. We are used to being told what to do and when to do it. It starts in grade school and continues into adulthood but we need to flip the switch and see that we are the authority over our destiny. It’s hard work learning to take yourself seriously and that’s okay. Your accountability homie will step in to help you get over yourself. Not sure whom you want your homie to be? Find someone that is doing something similar to you and become each other’s homies. Your partnership will be number one in the hood and you will see amazing results within your workload.

Flowers Dream Sprinkles and Booze

When are we going to stop shitting on our dreams? If you have a passion and want to make it your life, there is nothing more inspirational and wonderful. It’s possible to be a dreamer and a worker. There will be a moment when you’re asking yourself why are you working yourself silly and have self doubt.These thoughts are normal and part of your incredible journey. Know why you’re putting the work in and that it is carrying you through the finish line of your truth. Your real job is bringing light and love to the universe through the passion in which you have for life. We must never forget this and as always…

Stay sexy Gotham!

Do you watch CATFISH: THE TV SHOW?

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013


Last night I was part of the live studio audience experience of MTV’s CATFISH: THE TV SHOW (the After Show). I had some friends spot me in the audience which is pretty awesome and I feel semi-famous. The experience was long but super fun. The MTV audience staff and security were super nice and rather entertaining. They made sure we were comfortable. At one point they went around with sugar treats to make sure we all had enough pep to cheer and be a part of the experience. I have been a part of several live audiences but this one by far was one of the most fun.

I have had several people say to me “What the hell is Catfish?!” and I am always shocked that people aren’t watching this gem of a reality show. Catfish is a documentary that was released in 2010. The film involved a man named Nev who was being filmed by his brother and his best friend. They documented his life as he fell in love and built a romantic relationship with a woman online. Spoiler alert but, the woman that Nev fell in love with wasn’t who she claimed to be. I would recommend definitely watching the documentary if you haven’t done so already.

While I loved Catfish the film, a lot of critics and people felt otherwise. A lot of people questioned if the film was staged or not. The phenomenon known as Catshishing is in fact very real and still very much alive. This brought about the birth of CATFISH: THE TV SHOW and boy am I glad it was birthed. Nev Schulman and his filmmaker friend, Max are now in their second season of their weekly hour-long TV show. This duo spend most of their time traveling around the country to help people who are in an online relationship. Believe the film is real or not, the show brings about a very authentic and genuine approach to reality television. We are watching real emotions unfold and people getting caught in a pretty intense string of lies.

At the end of the first season of Catfish, the show asked for people who are dying to meet the person they have been having a long-term online relationships to contact the show. They also encouraged anyone that has been living a lie on the internet to come clean and be honest to the person they have been lying to virtually. I will say I am happy they asked for people to share because this season has been intense. Such a tangled and tricking world wide web we are all a part of! This show has reviled that everyone on the internet is not always what they seem.

I personally find it baffling and confusing enough that someone would even be in a serious and long-term relationship with a person whom they never had a webcam conversation with and in some cases haven’t even talked to on the phone! Why aren’t the victims using Google themselves to research “the love of their lives”? I mean, I love the show so as long as people continue to not openly do their own research there will be a need for CATFISH: THE TV SHOW.

The episode that aired last night was about a young man named Dorion who was willing to risk his current relationship for an online fling. He wanted to finally meet the woman who he was talking to online that helped him with one of the toughest times of his life, Jeszica. Dorion’s current girlfriend, Raffinee decided to allow him to move forward and meet “Jeszica” because apparently she wanted him to be happy? As Dorion and Raffinee told it on the awkward-as-hell Catfish live aftershow, she was “joking” when she suggested Dorion write to Nev and Max about his “former” online flame, Jeszica. The entire time you watch the episode you just feel bad for Raffinee. I am not sure why anyone would put up with such poor and one sided treatment from anyone. I mean, Dorion was basically trying to catch his catfish and eat it too. Not cool, bro! If you want to watch the outcome of the episode, you can watch it here.

If Catfish the film and show has taught me anything is that a lot of people have a full range of self-esteem struggles and issues. The episode that aired last night was a complete shit storm of mixed emotions, low self-esteem, and poor treatment for other people’s feelings and emotions. For the ladies involved in last night’s episode, I hope you guys realize there are other guys out there. You’re both extremely stunning and deserve better for yourselves and need to gather up your self esteem nuggets and keep it movin’!

Why do you think people Catfish other people on the internet?  Why lie about who you are? We all know that lying never brings the party. How did you feel about last night’s episode? Have you ever been a victim of a Catfish? Are you guys catfishing me?!

Stay sexy Gotham!